Modern+families

FAMILIES We human beings are such a weak species that we need protection and care for a long period of time after we are born, and these relationships create strong ties within our group. It is clear, for me , that we need other people to live with. And also we are social beings, and most of us like to share our lives with others. In addition to culture and religion, we can add literature, customs and uses … and so, we get the result of a family as we know it, in the European style : a couple of people that are engaged to their progeny, their own parents and siblings for their whole life; sharing house, money, business, friends and partners, problems, holidays,… and a caring and lovely relationship, what certainly is an ideal picture more than a real situation. In the past women did not study or work and they stayed all their lives near their parents and brothers; they created their own families very close to their parents, and all together shaped a larger family. They cooperated in some hard farming jobs, they met most times with a practical purpose and sometimes to celebrate weddings and baptisms (in practice, the arrival of new members to the family) Nowadays, many women and men leave their local towns when they are around eighteen, and come back home occasionally. They study, work and live far away from their families, but as they need someone to rely on, they look for friends to back them up and share problems and joys with. I realize this new situation of the families in my own family group. My parents were brought up in the same village, the village where their parents and grandpas had been brought up too. They lived among their cousins, uncles and aunts. Their grandparents played an important role in the social hierarchy. Their cousins were their classmates, friends, colleagues,… Later on, they would be their business partners, their clients, their neighbours, … Their village and large family are a part of them and their biographies. On the other hand, my children are living in a town that is not their mother´s or their father´s, or none of their grandparents´either. They meet their cousins from time to time, but they hardly ever spend together more than a week. They don´t share school or friends… So finally, cousins have been replaced with friends; and uncles and aunts with mum and dad´s colleagues. They have a rather different idea of what family means. Clara Sánchez

ONLY CHILD- SEVERAL SIBLINGS Nowadays, being an only child at home is really common, above all in countries like Spain with a low birth rate. Apparently it could be an ideal situation for a child, without brothers or sisters bothering or forcing them to share attention, love or goods. However, siblings are essential to make an suitable socializing process in all kind of aspects. Among their siblings, children learn to share things, to wait, to fight or to solve conflicts every day. Besides, elder siblings usually look after the younger ones, giving a positive model to follow when they grow up. Living together teaches children to minimize the importance of conflicts or to reach agreements after quotidian rows. Day by day, they will probably become more tolerant and sympathetic with other people. Only children, most of the times, are relativily inflexible and get unconfortable or anxious when they have to share their place or things. On the other hand, siblings could give a strong safety feeling during chilhood, but it is not a guarantee of support in the future. It depends on the evolution of relationships among the family members. Nobody chooses his relatives so, people can keep a tight bond with them or end up living really separated lives. Coming back to the only child topic, frequently parents make significant mistakes about their upbringing. Sometimes they tend to overprotect their child and avoid putting limits or, on the contrary, they are too severe with their behaviour. Both of them are negative attitudes. On the first case, only children may turn into wilful people or even tyrannic children. On the second case, they may develope an insecure personality, anxiety or excessive perfectionism. Normally, only chidren are in an inferiority situation facing two parents. Personally, I think the key is the sensible upbringing that parents are able to give them. Of course good parents give all their love and attention to their children, but at the same time, they should teach them to accept limits and frustrations, to value every little thing they get or the relative value of goods. Moreover, they should train them to make some kind of effort to achieve goals or things they want. To sum up, the question is not to be or not to be an only child, what matter is how to grow up on balance and to be able to live together in a respectful way.

//Joaquín Castro//